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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251752">Surprise Dick Energy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubick/pseuds/Rubick'>Rubick</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magicians (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Breaks Fourth Wall, Crack, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Meta, Multi, Truth or Dare, but you didn't invent big dicks, sorry eliot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:42:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,435</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251752</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubick/pseuds/Rubick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The gang plays a game of Truth or Dare.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Surprise Dick Energy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I share credit on this one with other friends that shall remain anonymous.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kady leaned heavily into Alice’s side, whispering into her ear. “He does realize that if he fucks this up, he’ll loose like, 25% of his liquor supply?”</p><p>“I won’t be fucking this up,” Eliot responded to her, his tongue peeking out between his lips, his fingers moving. A dozen or so liquor bottles, filled to various levels, hovered in front of the group, circulating in a lazy pattern a few feet above the table. The entire group appeared to be holding their breath as the bottles slowly descended and gently clinked back on the surface. There’s silence for a moment, and the group burst into applause.</p><p>“Thank you,” Eliot said, mock-bowing from his seat on the couch. Quentin, his pink cheeks betraying how much he’s feeling his liquor, leaned over and laid a sloppy kiss on Eliot’s cheek.</p><p>“Now do the entire table with the bottles on it!” Margo triumphantly called out from her spot next to Josh, raising her wine glass in his direction. “I <em>dare </em>you.”</p><p>Eliot smirked as he slung an arm over Quentin’s shoulders. He opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by Todd’s exclamation of, “OH! We should totally play Truth or Dare!”</p><p>Eliot rolled his eyes and again started to speak, but he’s interrupted, by Julia this time, who threw her hands up in the air and practically yelled, “<em>Yes</em>! Quentin and I used to play it all the time!”</p><p>Eliot’s mouth snapped shut, and he turned his gaze on Quentin, who shrugs, taking another sip of his drink. It’s all colors of the rainbow, with three umbrellas sitting in it.</p><p>“It’ll be like a slumber party!” Even though no one listens to Todd ever, we needed a catalyst for this story, so within five minutes they’re all sitting in a circle in the middle of the cottage. No other students were around, because the only people we care about were Kady, Alice, Penny, Julia, Margo, Quentin, Eliot, and occasionally Todd because he makes us laugh. And Josh. Because he’s critical to this story.</p><p>Eliot was laying down on his side, almost like he was in the first episode on top of the Brakebills sign, but not on his back because it doesn’t fit the narrative, but propped up on one elbow, wearing your favorite shirt/vest/tie combo. His long legs seemed to go on forever; his curls were perfectly coiffed and his expression was one of disdainful yet captivating interest.</p><p>Quentin sat next to him, nearly on top of Eliot, his puppy dog eyes darting around the room. He’s wearing jeans and his favorite hoodie; his hair loose around his face (or up in a little bun, whatever is peak hair for you. But <em>not </em>season four short).</p><p>Margo was on the other side of Eliot, wearing an exquisite outfit that none of us could ever pull off. Josh was at her side, wondering exactly how he’s going to factor into this whole thing.</p><p>Next to him was Julia, smiling, puffing on a joint. Her hair was in those pigtails that she wore in season four, ugh, they’re so cute I just can’t even. She’s wearing her half of the “Best Bitches” necklace too. Penny was next to her, sitting close but not too close. He’s wearing something that I guess is a shirt but is really just two pieces of cloth with neck and arm holes that doesn’t even join in the front so we can see his abs, pecs, collarbones, basically the entire amazing Penny-torso package.</p><p>Kady was next to him, typical resting bitch face, ripped jeans and a tank, amazing hair, her half of the “Best Bitches” necklace around her neck. Next to her was Alice, her legs tucked under her, dressed in full black, sitting up straight, her eyes darting between Kady and anywhere else in the cottage.</p><p>“Ok!” Todd said, clapping his hands, his smile splitting his face. “I’ll go first! Umm…” he looks around the circle, and points to… “Eliot!” Eliot rolled his eyes and took another sip of his top-shelf bourbon, a brand of which both you and I are way too plebeian to have ever heard of.</p><p>“Dare.”</p><p>“Oh! Okay.” Todd frowned. After a few moments of silence, Margo rolls her eyes.</p><p>“Come on dickwaffle, if you can't get it up then get out.”</p><p>“OH! I dare you to… prank call Fogg.”</p><p>Eliot rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. Alice frowned. “How does your phone work here?”</p><p>Eliot waved a hand at her. “It’s necessary for the story, don’t worry about it.” He dialed, and then put the phone to his ear.</p><p>“Yeah, hi, Dean Fogg? You have a drinking problem. And you seriously need some therapy after suffering through 40 timelines of Jane and her bullshit. It was also completely shitty and irresponsible and downright cruel to tell Quentin he didn’t need his antidepressants because he had magic. What the fuck?” He hung up, putting his phone away and looking around the circle.</p><p>The room is quiet for a moment, until Margo said, “Jesus, El, we said prank call him, not drive him to drink more.” Eliot shrugged, looking around the circle.</p><p>“Penny, truth or dare?”</p><p>Penny rolled his eyes, because literally he has no other reaction, and says, “Dare.”</p><p>“Travel over to Sunderland’s office, bring us back something fun from her little treasure chest. It’s in the back left corner of her closet under a pile of tarps and blankets.” All eyes turned to Eliot, who took another sip of his drink. Quentin swallowed thickly, tugging at the collar of his novelty t-shirt, or henley, whatever floats your boat. “It is not necessary to know how I am privy to that information,” Eliot finished, locking eyes with Quentin, who’s cheeks turned even redder.</p><p>Penny sighed, standing up and disappearing. While he’s gone, the group chattered amongst themselves, until Todd cleared his throat. “So, um, just so you guys know, normally Truth or Dare has… sillier dares, like trying to do a cartwheel or talking in an accent, or trying to do a magic trick…” He stopped talking, because everyone was ignoring him.</p><p>Penny blipped back into the room, holding a set of black buckles with chains between them.</p><p>“Thank you,” Eliot said, popping up and retrieving the restraints. He set them down next to him on the floor, shooting Quentin a significant look. Quentin took a large gulp of his drink, and slid closer to Eliot, nestling into his side.</p><p>The game continued for a few more rounds, including a lively one where someone asked Quentin his favorite fantasy series and he said “‘The Little Mermaid,’ but only the original Danish version. It’s way darker and better, because the Danish, they have dark souls.” Quentin kept talking about dark souls and how he can relate to that so hard about so many facets of his life until Eliot wrapped his hand around the back of Quentin’s neck, which made him nearly boneless and sagging against Eliot. He wouldn’t give up the fight though, until Julia interrupted Quentin’s long, yet adorable tangent.</p><p>“Okay, Okay. My turn. <em>My fucking turn</em>, Quentin, shut the fuck up.” Quentin frowned in her direction, huffing in that bratty way we all love.</p><p>Julia looked around the circle, and then zeroed in on Margo. She started giggling, almost unable to get her words out. Someone should really take the joint out of her hand. “Margo,” she said, “Truth or dare?”</p><p>Margo, leaning back on her hands, surveyed the group with a smile. “Truth.”</p><p>Julia leaned forward, her pigtails swinging. “Who has the biggest dick you’ve ever seen?”</p><p>Eliot immediately broke into a grin, sitting up tall, already preening. Kady rolled her eyes and took another gulp of her beer.</p><p>“Oh, that’s easy,” Margo said. “Josh.”</p><p>There are too many reactions to really communicate in typical story fashion, plus I like lists, so here’s a list:</p><p>- Eliot’s grin immediately fell off his face, replaced with one of incredulity and hurt. He chuckled lightly—”Bambi, I know you guys are like, <em>dating </em>or whatever, but you don’t—you should be honest.”</p><p>- Quentin laughed. “Bullshit,” he said immediately. Then he sat up straighter. “Wait, really?”</p><p>- Todd smiled.</p><p>- Josh puffed up his chest, smiling broadly. He’s still not sure why he’s in this story, but he’s really fucking happy about it.</p><p>- Julia turned to look at Josh, namely at his crotch.</p><p>- So did Penny. Then he rolled his eyes.</p><p>- Kady did too, frowning. Then she shrugged her shoulders.</p><p>- Alice was reading a textbook and not paying attention.</p><p>- Todd was still smiling.</p><p>Margo turned to Eliot. “I know, it was shocking to me too. He’s got real Surprise Dick Energy.”</p><p>Eliot’s eyes widened, and Quentin put his hand on Eliot’s shoulder. “It’s ok babe, yours is still the biggest <em>I’ve</em> ever seen.”</p><p>Eliot looked at Quentin, over to Margo, to Josh, and then back to Quentin. He set his glass on the floor next to him and put his head in his hands.</p><p>Todd frowned. “Ok, guys, we’re here to play truth or dare, not compare genitals.” He gestured to Margo. “Your turn, Margo.”</p><p>“Alice,” Margo said crisply. Alice’s head jerked up, and she shoved aside the text book she’d started reading while everyone was worrying about penises. “Truth or dare?”</p><p>Alice looked around the group, and said “Dare. No, wait, truth!”</p><p>Todd shook his head. “Sorry, but you said dare.”</p><p>Eliot is still shaking his head, sniffling into his cocktail as Quentin wrapped an arm around him, whispering into his ear. Margo smiled at Alice, a wicked gleam in her eye. “I dare you to twerk.”</p><p>Kady sat up straighter, and Julia clapped her hands together. Alice rolled her eyes. She stood up, and suddenly Josh said, “Wait! We need music!”</p><p>A few tuts later, loud music blasts through the room.</p><p>Alice twerked. It looked exactly like you’d think it does.</p><p>Alice sat down, wiping the sweat from her brow. Kady stared at her, her mouth slightly agape, and she shifted a few inches closer. Julia got up, and slid herself right in between Kady and Alice.</p><p>“Hey,” she said, smiling at Alice, nudging Kady away. Kady nudged right back.</p><p>“We were having a conversation, Wicker.”</p><p>“What the fuck?” Penny said. His tattered shirt had somehow disappeared, so he’s just hanging out with no shirt and pants on. Oh, maybe he has a scarf on, if you’re into that.</p><p>“<em>Guys</em>,” Todd said. Eliot was on cocktail number nine, while Quentin rubbed soothing circles into his back, whispering in his ear. “Back to the game. Alice, your turn.”</p><p>Alice turned her side-eye away from Julia and Kady, who have dissolved into a tickle fight over who gets to sit next to her, and looked to Todd. “Um. Todd. Truth or dare?”</p><p>“Truth!” Todd said.</p><p>Margo rolled her eyes. “Fucking truther.”</p><p>“Um… what’s your favorite book?”</p><p>Todd’s eyes lit up, and the entire room groaned. “Come on, give Mama something <em>juicy</em>,” Margo said, falling back against the couch.</p><p>“Alice, I’m so glad you asked! Well, when I was a kid I really liked the Narnia books.” He turned to Quentin. “Hey Quentin, you're into those right?"</p><p>The next five minutes consisted of Quentin talking very seriously with lots of gesturing, Penny rolling his eyes repeatedly, Margo flipping through her phone, Alice going back to her book, Quentin yelling, Eliot trying the thing with the back of Quentin’s neck to get him to stop his cute-yet-worrying tirade and having it not work. Eliot finally gently caressed his thumb over Quentin’s cheek, and Quentin immediately turned to him, eyes wide. “Hey,” Quentin said, thoroughly distracted.</p><p>“Okay, jeez, I’m sorry,” Todd said. “Just sit down Quentin, I’ll never say it again.”</p><p>Quentin turned away from Eliot, seeming to remember what he was just doing, and sat back in his spot in the circle, his eyes blazing at Todd. Eliot sat down next to him, still morose and silent.</p><p>“Okay, my turn—” Todd said.</p><p>“No,” Quentin interrupted. “I’m taking your turn. You deserve to lose a turn after having that ridiculous opinion.” He turned to Josh. “Josh, truth or dare?”</p><p>Josh has been rolling joints and there are like 20 stacked in front of him. He’s still smiling, this is like, the best night ever. “Dare,” he said cheerfully.</p><p>Quentin lit up. “Show me your dick.”</p><p>Again, several reactions:</p><p>- Eliot abruptly turned to him. “What the FUCK?”</p><p>- Margo smiled happily.</p><p>- Kady and Julia stopped rolling around on the carpet where they were fighting/making out and snapped to attention.</p><p>- Penny said, “NO ONE wants to see your dick.”</p><p>- Alice raised her hand politely. “I wouldn’t mind seeing it.”</p><p>- Todd crossed his arms and huffs out a breath.</p><p>- Josh stood up and pulled down his zipper.</p><p>Quentin shrugged under Eliot’s stare. “Come on, you know you wanna see it.”</p><p>Eliot straightened his shoulders, his face still ridiculously sexy even as he’s bugging out. “I most certainly do not want to see his ridiculous werewolf dick.”</p><p>“Well now I really wanna—” His eyes widened as Josh pulled down his pants and underwear. “It doesn’t <em>look </em>like a werewolf dick,” Quentin said, his eyes narrowing.</p><p>Julia, Kady, and Alice were all leaning over each other, palms against the floor, shifting to get a good angle.</p><p>Penny rolled his eyes. “Come on. It’s fine to have an average sized dick.”</p><p>“No one asked you about your dick, Penny,” Kady said, her eyebrows in her hairline as her eyes move up and down Josh’s… impressive appendage.</p><p>“Yep, shut up Penny,” Quentin said, leaning back, seemingly satisfied with what he’s seen from Josh.</p><p>“Fuck off, Coldwater,” Penny said, offended. “Like your dick is so impressive.”</p><p>“I’ve slept with more people in this room than you have, so clearly I’m doing something right,” Quentin said. He turned to Eliot, whose arms were crossed as he refused to look at Josh. “Babe, it’s hardly bigger. Like, half an inch, maybe. You have him beat in girth, for sure.”</p><p>“Oh, I’m a grower,” Josh said. “Wanna see?”</p><p>“<em>No</em>,” Eliot said firmly.</p><p>“You are all <em>ruining </em>Truth or Dare!” Todd said, throwing up his hands. He gestured to Josh. “It’s not even that big! <em>Mine </em>is bigger than that.”</p><p>All eyes turned to Todd. Several bottles in the room spontaneously shattered at once, including the glass Eliot was holding in his hand. (Don’t worry, he’s fine, no cuts or blood.)</p><p>Eliot stared down at Quentin, who was staring at Todd with a familiar look in his eyes. “Q,” Eliot said, “If you ask to see Todd’s dick. We are. Breaking. Up.”</p>
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